something deeper

Life

2012-01-29T15:57:00.000-08:00

Life have been good to me,
with cny, all the food, God bless me being chinese! I mean I do like western food and stuff, but chinese new year has its own taste with it's traditional food and snacks!
And non stop steamboats!

Me having both parents being Hainanese, it means Hainanese food overload

Lao ah!

Introducing my brother!

With the girls at Zirca last night~

And choo the day before at Nana.

Nasty

2012-01-20T05:12:00.000-08:00

I think it's nasty.

The things I hear you say to people, and eventually it gets into my ears.
Yeah I confronted and you denied. But how much could I believe?
It's hard to ever trust you again, even as a human being.

I always say, "If someone wants to lie, go ahead, just make it a better lie, don't let me find out."
Same logic as cheating. Wipe your mouth after cheating, no one can ever find out right?

I am just really sick of people asking me questions about you. So sick.
Online or offline. It's fucking irritating.
Can't they tell that I don't want anything to do with you anymore?

Shouldn't have

2012-01-19T16:02:00.001-08:00

Shouldn't have done that
Shouldn't have told you

Should have taken that to my grave.
And sweetie, now you're just scarred for life.

Illusion

2012-01-16T15:40:00.000-08:00

It actually really works,

when you start to tell yourself everyday that you're happier
and you're really happier.

I think a lot when I am alone.
I start to reminisce
I start to see flashes of the memories

Times
when you used to call me everyday while I waited for you
when you told me you actually meant it when you said 'I love you'
when I start to say 'I love you'
when I cried and cried so much
when waiting for hours for a few minutes call was the peak of my every each day
when I made it through 4 months waiting for you
when the day of your arrival finally came
when we talked about plans after you're back
when I finally see you, on that huge ship, looking the same, waving at me
when I could finally touch you
and all those times, now that I think back, was it really worth it? Were you worth it? Worth all my time and sacrifices and my tears? Worth all the heartaching now? Would I have gone through all these if I were to be able to choose again? I guess I would've done the same. Although the outcome now isn't what I hoped for. It's the journey that counts.

You were a jerk. The biggest one. But I loved you.

And also when memories flashes, I recall the bad times too.
Times
when you got drunk and I had to clear your mess
when I got sick and you didn't bother to look after me
when you chose casino over me
when you chose friends over me
when you didn't think about me before doing something
when you lied and lied and lied again
when you said some really hurtful words a person would never say
when you told my friend days after we broke up that you no longer like me
when you really, really. really didn't bother anymore.
when you stopped caring, stopped loving, stopped acting like the person I fell in love with

And today, I recalled all these and realized,
actually the break up wasn't a bad decision afterall. And probably the wisest choice I ever made in this relationship.
I admit I do regret at times. But would things be better, would you change for me if I stick around?
No you wouldn't. Whether if it's your ex that destroyed your confidence in love, or your ego that doesn't allow you to change, whichever reasons provided, we wouldn't be better.

The mourning period sucks. It always do. But after it, things become so clear, and all is better. I feel better now, I really do understand when my close friends said, "He's a jerk. You deserve better" meant. And I am happier.

I still think about him. But I really am happier now.

And I packed all the stuff we had together, the brochures from our bkk trip, the fake flowers you prepared in the bathtub, the birthday present you got for me, and presents I got for you but never had the chance to give it to you, all those stuff. Packed them all and ready to mail it out. Oh and the sheesha set you gave me. I am gonna throw that away. To you, these may be things that are 'sentimental' but to me, they're rubbish now.

Yes, I lost faith in love. The next time I say, 'I love you'
I wouldn't mean it.

Not even friends

2012-01-14T13:28:00.000-08:00

I am a person that despise people that loves giving another person false hope when he/she clearly knows that it's never gonna work out. And there are many such people.

I hate it when I am dating a person and he suddenly loses feelings for me but dare not man up, he just rather mia. Isn't that low?

Give me a fullstop.
This, '.'
Not, '..........'

Which is why of the many boyfriends or flings I had, mostly didn't stay as friends. Cause I love a clean cut. I would rather lose a friend. I mean come on, if I didn't die when things ended, I sure wouldn't die losing him as a friend. Some may say this is cruel. But if I don't start doing cruel things, he's gonna do it upon me, so why not I start the ball rolling?

And I know myself. I get over boys as quick as I blink. It's just the matter of how long the next guy comes. I just need to divert my attention.

In my entire life, I only sincerely gave it all and love 3 guys.
One was my first love when I was 16. Then it was L, mid 16 and again at 19 (ya same guy wtf), and the third, is now.

I wouldn't say I stopped loving him, I would say love didn't want me to continue loving him.

I don't know if anyone ever get this feeling, but like you get nauseous and all uncomfortable when you see this person, or rather the person you once had so much with.
That day I saw him, I felt so. I don't know how to describe it. It's like I miss this person but at the same time, I want to fly kick him and make sure he is as far from me as possible. It was so uncomfortable having him near me. It felt, disgusting.

They say there is a thin margin across love and hate. Hate is a really strong word and I really don't wish to use it. But I kinda hate him. Or is it a lovehate relationship.

So many fishes in the sea right? But what if I just want that very fish? Anyone ever thought of that for me?

Sometimes I feel the anxiety in me. Like I am broken. I can't be alone. I dwell myself in alcohol. Cause I realized I am actually really smiling when I am drunk. Maybe reality was too hard for me to face thus I would rather be drunk.

I know I will get over this. Like come on, 1 year from now, would all these even matter? I would just look back and laugh at myself.

In the mean time, I know I got to do this. Even it means fighting it alone.

Affinity

2012-01-05T09:31:00.000-08:00

Affinity?

I am kinda messed up right now.
Not that my life is. But my emotions are. They're like fighting against each other.
Anger is telling sadness the wrongs.
Sadness comes from loneliness.
And some things, it's like a habit.
I know what's right and what's wrong.
And sometimes I just want to fuck care everything and beg for love.
But it's pointless. Love is there. He is there. But it's not right.
We're not right for each other. Not right.

You know how many say, "If you love him, you would wish the best for him."
I think that is crap. It's fucking bullshit.
But I came to realize that it's actually the only solution left.

I just want to move on now. I want to meet someone new and forget all about him.
Cause I know that's the best I can do right now.

And as for my emotions, they will have to fight.
Against each other. They have to deal with it themselves.
Period.

why?

2011-12-27T07:12:00.000-08:00

why?
why?
why?

why is it like this when I give in my all for a person and things turn out to be like this
why is it that when I chose to give in my all for him, and when I expect something small in return, all I get is heartaches and tears
how did this happen to me?

I thought I was strong enough
I thought this is just another phrase of my life
I thought I was happy and relieved when I finally ended it
I thought I was finally able to smile again
I thought I was out of this misery officially
but why am I so sad now?
I feel like my heart is tearing apart and he really doesn't give a damn about it

why am I such a failure?

what did I do to deserve this?
I gave in my all, all my love, for him, for this
I changed, things he didn't like, I changed, just to please him
Cause I love him so much
Even when he lied, when he said hurtful words, when he screwed things up,
I sucked it up, cause I had to, cause I knew if I didn't, I would lose him. I knew it.
I knew that's what I have to do for someone like him

Even when I had that tiny hope, hoping that he would change for me, hoping he would be a little nicer, just that tiny hope.. is that too much?

Treat me better. Think about me before you do anything. Is that too much?

Now, we are done. He is gone. And I am dying. I love you so much. But there is no point in carrying on. They say, "It will pass." Yes it will. But I ask, "When?" Just tell me a date.

After all, I am only human.

And I swore to never love again.

time flies

2011-12-08T03:47:00.000-08:00

oh how time flies.

in less than a week, he'll be back.

What to do

2011-11-14T14:51:00.000-08:00

what to do
when I am such a sensitive person
I am ridiculous
I am selfish
I am a jealous freak
I am hurt

what to do

this is me
am I supposed to change?
for you? for me? for us? for no one?

today someone and I talked about love
and we didn't know what to say
..I guess we both don't know what is it
or perhaps forgot how to love
how to feel

hurt? broken? depressed?
that's it? all? or none?

just don't wanna
think
feel
love

Bitch

2011-10-25T08:41:00.000-07:00

We change
We give in
We give up some things
We gained some
We lost some

And we wouldn't mind giving in for that special someone
but what if he doesn't appreciate?

I don't mind doing things for others, just as long as I get appreciated.
And I can't feel it. It is like if he doesn't bother, if he doesn't appreciate..
Then who am I doing all these for?

He have no idea how happy I am when people tell me they can see the changed me and like me better now. He don't know how glad I am.

Just like how little kids would want praises from their parents when they score well in school.
A little 'good job' or a pat on their head.

And I am not getting any.
I am getting, "You can do better."

And screw that. Screw you.

maybe

2011-09-27T13:41:00.000-07:00

maybe what we have ain't that special afterall

Just wanna let you know..

2011-09-24T16:56:00.000-07:00

Just wanna let you know..

that you're the first guy I skipped the whole get-to-know and mind games part and jump to the dating part
that you're the first guy I ever tried or rather changed for
that you're the first guy I ever posted photos publicly on facebook
that you're the first guy as a screenlock on my phone
that I really would do my best and beat the odds to make this work
that I would try to do this and that just to bring a smile on your face
that I would tell my parents so proudly of
that my friends are supportive of
that actually even the low confidence me in dating would think that we can make it though

and...

I love it..
when you can be so mean and cute at the same time, it's like I can't stay mad at you
when you would know when you're making a mistake but you still do it anyway but just work the way you do at the end
when during a quarrel, you would say harsh words but always coaxing me in the end
when my mum would end up speaking good words about you when I complain
when you're super tired and still spend the effort to call me from afar everyday
when you spout out unintended sweet words making my day
when you care for me in ways no one ever did
when you have this special voice when you act cute
when you get so jealous easily but doesn't ever admit it but I knew it anyway

I don't know what is it about you that I like, maybe you're just different. Too different. And I hope this last.

:)

You again.

2011-07-26T15:57:00.000-07:00

I don't know how you do that thing to me. The thing you always do. The one that keeps making me fall for you, over and over again, at different timings, at different situations, situations that we shouldn't even be talking. But you just keep doing that, doing that thing you're best at, playing with me, fooling with my feelings, cause you know I would always be there waiting for you, always giving you what you need, the freedom you didn't have with her, and you know I could give you anything if you just ask, or just stay, with me. You know how easy was to make me fall in love with you again and again, you know me like a book and I can't figure that out. Other people look at me and label me as a wild girl, as one with no emotions, one that couldn't care less. Yet you? With you, I'm a different person. I listen to what happened to your day, I replied with sincere concerns, and I am always 24/7 ready as long as I see a call/text from you. This is me. This is me when I'm with you. You make me turn into the best girlfriend material girl. The girlfriend material no one have ever seen in me. The girl that is so obedient to the guy she loves. And often times I ask myself why is that so, why is it like this when it comes to you, then I realize there is no explanation for that. Cause, you're way too magical and I love you.

bottled up

2011-06-23T11:36:00.000-07:00

It's just the one in a while times when Itunes keeps shuffling to slow songs and you start looking at quotes and cigarettes can't even make you feel better. I don't know what exactly I am feeling. I feel like I am really sick of life, really sick. Sick of the people, the things, relationships, friendships, kinship, feelings, everything. I just wanna leave Singapore and go to somewhere far, somewhere no one knows me, and I can start anew. Nothing major happened but sometimes you just wanna take a break from life, leave for a while, and return.

Sometimes it's really scary how people changes, how people can turn so tragically different in such a short time. I don't know if I can trust anyone, I think there is a rule in life that says if one starts putting hope or trust on someone/something, it will eventually fall apart. But life goes on doesn't it, people come and go, feelings come and go.

And it's really sad sometimes being me. I keep my feelings within so much. I've learned that it's better this way. Because honestly, no one cares, or they do care, but what exactly are they thinking while caring, what they said regarding your situation, is it out of sincerity or sympathy? Maybe that is why I don't talk much about my hidden feelings anymore, I used to write in a locked journal, but I don't even write in there anymore. I just bottle everything inside of me and once in a while, I break down.. completely.

2010 really sucked for me. And 2011 thus far, isn't good. I've changed so much compared to last year, at least I think I did. I learned to guard my heart guard my feelings guard myself. Love? Loved. Or am still loving. I don't know. All I know is that I don't wish to. I am just slowing turning into a living soul with no feelings and it's not good but there is nothing I can do about it. Life goes on right? Even if you hate it, even if you choose to ignore this and that, life still fucking goes on and you just gotta live with it and hope that someday you wake up and bam! That person in your heart disappears. Story of my life.

SUP

2011-03-28T17:02:00.001-07:00

Second session later on...

Jan'11

2011-01-24T14:02:00.000-08:00

Don't say I never update!

And do pop me questions on my Formspring!

Hi

2011-01-06T17:01:00.001-08:00

Mobile uploads

2010-12-05T14:20:00.000-08:00

Actually all of these are uploaded on my Twitter/Facebook long ago but since this space is rotting, I shall just update some here...

last wed at Zirca for Edison&co's event..

photobooth

school school

bumped into Alvin on the first day of my school at Queensway mrt

Met Kai for late dinz after school. Thanks!

geek for school.

this was one day before school. haha first win.

Ciggs from Japan!

Powerhouse~

krbbq finally.

Vontay's mebacktoschool Ichiban treat! Loveya!

Sat's Ikea cravinggggggg.. yums.

Ytd ytd ytd

This is rotting.

2010-10-21T13:12:00.001-07:00

I jz jailbreak my IP4 and I keep spamming photos of it on Twitter hahaha..

I guess this is growing up.

2010-10-09T07:18:00.000-07:00

Tear stained pillow every night, staring naked at yourself in the mirror, waiting for a text that will never come. Wishing for impossible things, like narrower thighs or prettier hair. It's a vicious cycle of being too scared to help someone else, and feeling abandoned by everyone when they are the same. Growing up is feeling self conscious enough about yourself to break down crying in the school bathroom, and the horrible panicking that comes when you realize you forgot your eyeliner at home. When your parents are screaming at you about your grades, and screaming at you because you came home drunk, and screaming at you because they hate your friends, and you just can't do anything right.

I don't think I'll ever know if it's just me that is passing time like this, so painfully, or if I'm just crying over something that everyone else can be brave about.

Chuseok

2010-09-22T07:45:00.000-07:00

Been working in the past few days, from last Sunday till tmr.
Tmr is the last day!

Found 3D movie tickets on the first day! Lucky me.
Oh and finally had some krbbq~~~ satisfying. Lucky for those who already found the place, for others, stop spamming my Formspring, I'd never reveal.

eye infection :(

Astons

took away the kimchi~~

today.

We both know you have to walk away, but God knows I'm gonna love you anyway.

2010-09-18T05:11:00.000-07:00

"maybe it's not my weekend, but it's gonna be my year."

This at 4am. No kidding.

2NE1~

Ahnee's chalet. Endless beer.

Last week.

2 days back.

This is damn good! Its new!

To Anyone~~~

2010-09-13T01:40:00.000-07:00

hehehe my friend got me this while she was in Korea!!!!
I bet I am the first in Singapore to get this!!!!!!!!!! *proud of it*

w poster~~~

oh and I jz got myself a Iphone4~~~~~
Intro me more free apps~~~
still can't jailbreak yet :(

"If you get hungry enough, they say, you start eating your own heart."

2010-09-07T21:33:00.000-07:00

I love how I sleep at night and wake up early in the morning.. like 9am.
Doing things normal people would. Hanging out with favorite girls and doing normal things (L)

Me : My hair is so messy!
Dion : Everyone is gonna know its the wind.
-_-

Luv you and your big boobs.

Best fries forever.

Luv my new nails!

there you are, sitting in the garden. clutching my coffee, calling me sugar. you called me sugar.

2010-09-04T16:23:00.000-07:00

Sentosa!!!!! Went there in the morning without getting any sleep, been sleeping at abnormal timings for about 2 months and I am so sick of it so that day, I was tired, very, but at least now I balanced my sleeping hours! Yayyyy I sleep at like 10pm till 7am :)

And Sentosa was awesome :)
despite the never-gonna-take-a-break wind.
Uno cards flying all around.
We moved to Cafe Del Mar and the sun came, good for W, not for me!
I kept applying sunblock lotion!

................ and..... dugoon dugoon....
I GOT THE TICKETS FOR KPOP NIGHT CONCERT.
alright I actually had a hard time getting those ticks.
cos C and all couldn't get me ticks, asked many others and they couldn't too.. but in the end, a friend of mine was queuing for the 8pm's session so she got me Cat1 B2 Row J ticks! A pair~
Its actually at the corner of Expo... but they're using the T stage, and the left side of the T stage is near to me so I just wish that GDbaby is gonna keep running to my side. If he runs to the right side, Ill just cry.

and another good news, I got accepted in MDIS!
I know right... MDIS... like seriously??? I heard many bad things of it for a private school but my uncle who is a prof at NUS said that MDIS is actually quite recognized in Singapore so Ill believe him!!!!!!!
School is starting in Novvvvvv

now tell me how can I not feel happy????

life is good, thank you God.

My neighbour's cat!!!!!! She is so cute can~ she keep acting cute with me, eg rolling on the floor non stop, following me around... hehe I call her Meow meow!

It's so complex, everything. everything is so complex. It's like, we're trying to figure ourselves out, create ourselves, but at the same time we lie to ourselves and destroy ourselves. We're all such contradictions. and then we all want to be amazing, matter, or something like that. We want to go places, see things, incredible things, we're always looking for new things. for ways to improve perfection or bottle it. Oh we just want it all.

Life

2010-08-30T16:57:00.000-07:00

Ohwell its been quite a while since I updated this space
and life've been really good to me lately.

I met cliqueof4 and its been almost 2 years since all of us met up, we're all so busy, okay them, not me. So Jarett and Alvin finally ord-d. Yay! I still remember when they first went in, and their first book out, they were going non stop about life in army. Time flies, we all are older and thinks differently now. And I really missed them. We actually met up for a belated birthday dinner for me. 19 now :( Alvin is still the best. He is still. He still remembers wheres my place exactly. And I was touched, I didn't say it, he probably won't read this but I miss all of you so bad.
And they taught me how to play mahjong that night! To Alvin's place. Gosh I love his house. Old readers should know.

Then. I also went to Celine's birthday house party. And met new online friends :) Fangirls! All Leos. Hehe.

And today! I finally ate krbbq for the longest time... the last time was 2 months ago!!

Tried making fried kimchi egg the first time!

One full box! Yum.

More and more food

Clique of 4~~~ Alvin was late.

And gosh, I love this fucker.

Alvin! (not cliqueof4's) Another Alvin I know. Gosh, I know too many Alvins. Boon was missing though!

C's birthday

▲▲▲

2010-08-15T10:50:00.000-07:00

people changes and move on

shove it under our walls.

2010-08-12T15:13:00.000-07:00

what a day
if only I could spend everyday like this
no boyfriends, no boys, just us girls doing everything relaxing.

love you all!

This Space

2010-08-09T04:54:00.000-07:00

right here.

I am just the type of person who hates my ex lovers reading a space written by me, photos of me, of my friends, where I hang out whatsoever.

I don't keep contacts. I don't have their numbers anymore, nor emails. I remember rejecting a few requests on fb. I remember blocking some of them. Well, they were probably bad memories or they are still assholes.

So Lj is locked, Twitter is. My facebook is private. No walls no photos.

And this space right here, I get that some ex lovers of mine visit here now and then.
And I don't like that.

I just don't like it.

Pre Birthday Cele

2010-08-08T07:08:00.000-07:00

Thanks to all those whom came! Actual day on 15th ! :D

T(s)

2010-08-04T15:59:00.000-07:00

I actually reopened this space cos I know there are still some souls following out there...
but just follow me on Twitter and Tumblr. Coz I prefer it there. Links are on the sidebar.

And Tumblr is me
its what I feel truly.

You know when you've found it because you feel it when they take it away.

2010-08-03T05:59:00.000-07:00

Hi hi hi hi hi hi

I am back.

favorite quote

2010-07-06T02:28:00.000-07:00

for those who asked what is the wordings on my Formspring and for those who are still curious since I doubt there is any as its pretty easy to guess uh? It was my blog title for quite a while..

I am finally ready to reveal it on my public blog.. private blog was revealed on that day itself.

if you could read my mind, you'd be in tears.

2010-07-03T13:39:00.000-07:00

I promise the next time I let you in,
I won't let you know.

I won't let you know you ruined it either.

Ps : I might just close my Formspring soon since its so dead.

we look so happy and we were really happy.

too feminine for the day. it kinda expired when the clock ticked 12.

Once upon a time, nobody gave a fuck.

2010-07-01T23:12:00.000-07:00

ask me ask me ask!
so bored bah!

Leos

2010-06-28T03:39:00.000-07:00

Yeah its still early. D is just too eager for this.

by invites only.

i wish

2010-06-26T04:55:00.000-07:00

I wish I am happy
I wish I could smile like you
I wish I could have everything I ever wanted
I wish I wasn't hurt
I wish it wasn't hurting
I wish you wasn't there
I wish you was here
I wish you meant it
I wish I meant it
I wish we never happened
I wish I was different
I wish you never had your share of happiness
I wish I could smile and forget everything
I wish life isn't the way it is now
I wish I could be stronger
I wish I didn't exist.

k, ps time.

2010-06-26T01:36:00.000-07:00

sometimes having too much alcohol ain't that good anyway since it causes memory loss and hangover the next day.

oh another wasted saturday staying at home.

mummy didn't tell me words could hurt so bad

2010-06-23T06:59:00.000-07:00

sheeeeeeeeeeeeshaaaaa luv sheesha so bad! One day Ill buy it home and smoke till I die.

ain't a smoker by the way. I just love sheesha-ing.

and yes that day made me start my diet.
gonna start the ban thingy too... had this 4 nos few years back and it lasted for 2 years..
no chocolate no icecream no cake no cookies
since I ate icecream today, its gonna start erm tml........ yes all I see is lettuce and fruits in my fridge.. try eating salad w/o dressing, it sucks so bad.

2010-06-20T04:43:00.001-07:00

Yeah I am so damn happy go lucky. But please. I have feelings too.

what ever happened to that?

2010-06-17T08:40:00.000-07:00

So I finally got what I wanted in a long long time.
Did a touch up for my lip tattoo too, now the wordings are just thicker, and better.

Next is my D idea.

selling!

2010-06-13T18:07:00.000-07:00

Help me!!!!!! Check out my new selling post!

Here!

Could you find a heart like mine, that sinks as low as you do?

2010-06-11T16:13:00.000-07:00

Nihonmura

and last wednesday was one of the best ladies night ever, never tried clubbing w so many girls. well, 6 is considered many to me but it was real awesome shiat.

At least I speak the truth.

2010-06-08T11:10:00.000-07:00

It seems like I keep going to the krbbq place, not that actually.. its just that every time I go there, I take photos and thus my recent entries makes it look like I been there at least 3 times a week. Nah, its about once every 2 weeks. The boss there is so nice to me now uh. I keep bringing different people. He was so funny ytd, he was looking at my phone, I was wondering what he was doing w it so I took a peek, he was typing down his own number! Haha! So on Monday, I was really unlucky, like really fucking unlucky.. :(

I finally brought Felicia to the place, shes been bugging me to bring her for months. We went Cine to sing k after eating, fucking service damn lousy. We also took neos :) I was so tired, could collapse really. Oh and I dabao-d kimchi home! Yums.

I want to go Sentosa and have a picnic w my favorite girls, Wyelin, Rutian and Rafidah! Faster fix the dates! The R(s)! Wyelin shall be Rabbit on that day.

Fuck Photobucket

2010-06-04T13:43:00.000-07:00

yes I know bandwidth exceeded everything is ugly on my page, FML.

who would want to pay US$24 a year for a photobucket account? Fuck this really.
Ill replace these pictures soon.

We could all be happy..

2010-06-01T11:01:00.000-07:00

I want to study so bad. So so bad. My parents..... doesn't want to support me financially, they want me to work and earn myself the school fees so I would cherish studying more. Fuck really.

I am currently jobless. I want a Hajilane job SO BAD.

nom nom.
I made this!

the thing is, I can still live without you.

2010-05-27T05:32:00.000-07:00

Camwhoring with a dslr is so good :)
I want new lens!!! Or Canon powershot G11 !!!!!!! Damn.

And I am gonna use my coming pay for _ ! Secret first. Hee.

My heart is ugly, but it could be all yours.

2010-05-23T13:15:00.001-07:00

I drink coffee like water and I still never know what to say.
I still don't know how to get out of bed half the time.
Its not pretty or endearing.
I whisper you secrets, I am still looking to be saved, sometimes I am so weak, sometimes I am so strong, here you go, I'll give you everything for one more chance.
My heart is ugly, but it could be all yours.

I don't wanna know your name. I just wanna bang bang bang.

2010-05-22T04:30:00.000-07:00

Ytd was krbbq once again, that thing is too addictive and ytd's was full of awesome. Everything just tasted bettarrrrrrrrr.

And it was a clubfree week.

Singing last week~~~

I shop so much but who doesn't love shopping?

But who the hell am I to tell her how to live her life?

2010-05-18T11:36:00.000-07:00

REDHEAD MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

there you are sitting in the garden, clutching my coffee calling me sugar

2010-05-15T13:02:00.000-07:00

Its a Sakae dayyyyy!!! :D
This time w Wyelin and Rafidah~~~ I am late again :\

We had Yami yogurt after that~ yums~ and slacked at coffeebean! Lets do it again!
Ill convince Rafidah to Krbbq!! Hee.

I could really use a wish right now.

2010-05-13T04:27:00.000-07:00

Meeting @rutian and @wyelin! Been so long since I last met @rutian! Almost a year?

And its the first for Wyelin to meet Rutian! We are gonna plan a potluck picnic soon w all our fav online bb(s) ~ just the thought of it.. excited kyaaaaa!

Brought Rutian for krbbq~~~
I was damn demanding... pestered the boss to make the kimchi pancake for us! Coz many times his workers made it and it sucked! Hahaha....
Rutian was so nice! She gave us a treat! Lets meet up soon girl ~

Just let me be here. I won't tell anyone.

2010-05-06T15:53:00.000-07:00

I wish I could sleep in the night and wake up in the noon, so that I could go to the bank to collect my pay, go Lavender to return stuff, go Nikon HQ to get my dslr, and to buy sashimi home.

ohkay the last one is kinda irrelevant, I just can't believe I only recently realize the amazingness of sashimi! Its ohsoyummy.

My best friend used to call at wee hours. Now she sleeps before me and calls me at 7am, when she is about to go school and I am about to go to bed, wtfish.

oh and I quit my job.
Don't ask why. Am so sick of answering it. I miss the people already. My workmates are really nice, many only playplay during work w me, but now that I am really gone, they ask me for my contact etc, and they didn't sound fake. Them being nice makes me feel so damn guilty! Gah! I promise to go back and visit often! :)

ps : I love you Taylor Momsen but I hate you Jenny.

Could you, could you, could you, could you keep a secret

2010-05-05T18:14:00.000-07:00

1, 2, 3, 4
I used to hate you
But now I love you
So like a rose
So like a rose
But when you kiss me I wanna slap you
But sorry it's lost
The feeling is lost
I chew my nails down
I look at the ground
I am pissed
I am shy
Cause you threw me in a blender
I am hot
I am cold
Do you wanna get to know me
Do you wanna learn to get inside my head
Do you wanna get to touch me
Cause now my ex is officially dead
I don't lalalala like you
I lalalala love you
I used to hahaha hate you
And now I really fucking love you

Mr bulky

2010-04-29T12:59:00.000-07:00

I MISS MR BULKY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah my broken down Dslr..................... its done fixing... and it cost $413!!!!! Almost half the price of how much I got it for! Damn! I can get a good digital camera w that amount lor! Too bad its the Body which is faulty, if its the lens, I can get a new and better lens! Damn. Everyone is using Canon now and the photos looks so good, me iz jealous! Who wanna sponsor me?

L word.

2010-04-27T11:39:00.000-07:00

Off one day a week is so damn useless :( sigh must endure!

Every off day dedicated to Dion! Yes very important person.. I said something wrong today and her eyes turned watery straight away!.. awwwww sorry bitch!

The same old scene.

2010-04-25T15:45:00.000-07:00

The same old scene just keeps repeating. I feel so tired of everything, of them, of the same old thing. Why is it always me? Maybe there really is something wrong with myself. Sorry, I've come to realize this a little too late. Enough of being a bitch. I wouldn't mind being that nice little girl to win that little thing I've been searching and wishing for so long. I got my heart broken countless times when I was a nice girl so I harden my feelings and became someone I don't wish to but I still got my heart broken. What is this?

one day it will fade, I am sure.

2010-04-24T16:07:00.000-07:00

work work work.

feel like switching to part time so bad.
but 'No money no play'. Damn!

Wednesday....... Rebel! Omg been so long since I last clubbed!
Went to sing and krbbq before that!

我不男不女的朋友！

lovelove.

so cute right! Bf brings out matchsticks!

too hungry~

yums

Bumped into Jiali!!!! She is the one who didn't ask me for directions to the shop and managed to find it herself!

Late at night @ Rebel..

Staff party on the next day..

I need the smell of summer, I need it's noises in my ears.

2010-04-19T13:05:00.000-07:00

Happy people, they smile and hold hands, they are pretty and friendly.

I cannot wait for payday!

What is there to say when everything is so perfect.

2010-04-17T13:51:00.000-07:00

YAYYYYYYYYYY SO HAPPY. Woke up today seeing this !!!!!!!!

Finally found this eyelashes glue offline!!!!!!!!!! I bought 20 tubes 1 year back... and I finished them recently!!! Wyelin got it for me because there is a outlet of the shop near her place and she mailed it to me!!!! Including a letter... a super cutesy one w stickers!!! I didn't know she is sucha person.. For someone who blogs a fashion blog, Eiffel In Seoul.. this is something surprising!!!

Been so long since someone wrote me a letter! I am gonna write back! :D

Wxyz

2010-04-15T12:40:00.000-07:00

Like why why why, WHY ?

and I'm so sore, my voice has gone to hell.

2010-04-14T03:24:00.000-07:00

Happy people.

Late photos. Right before I worked! Need to catch up so much more w Wyelin and Rafidah! Rafidah is at Koreaaaaaaaaaa now. Me iz so jealous pwease! Haha!

If only she finds the cheaper version of my fav eyelashes glue.......... and and Korea's masks is full of love! I am gonna use one tonight :) :) :) I've got more than 50 in the fridge.. and I gave more than 30 away!

I need all the time in the world.

2010-04-12T15:25:00.000-07:00

right now right now.

I need more time and more time.

Work work work!

2010-04-11T13:25:00.001-07:00

Work!

Yes I am working!!!! Near my place, so its good! Less travel time = more sleeping time!
Cocked up working hours but its good cos my sleeping hours is kinda heavenly too.

Working almost everyday, almost.
Well, technically, I don't quite have a life now. Not like I had one when I didn't have school and just club/town all day long. So working is actually better since I get extra cash and Bestfriend is gonna start school soon so I can't expect us to keep meeting. She is happy for me but also unhappy.. cos we can no longer meet as often! Awww Dion! No worries, we still can talk all night long, if you're reading this, Ily okay! Xoxo deep deep!

I know a lot of you are gonna pop the, 'What are you working as?' question on my Formspring. Don't bother. I wouldn't reply. Lucky for Twitter followers! They're people I.. know personally so they know everything through my Twitter.

Yeap yeap!

I like how almost everyone at work is treating me well :) I eat a lot and sit down almost all the time so erm...... I think I am gonna grow fat but gah! Whatever.

Haha I type so much, its been long isn't it?

I like my life now! Work work and work and stop thinking of irrelevant stuff me likey! :D

byebye chaos!

PS : Stop asking where is the Korean bbq place I go to! SO IRRITATING. I get this qn on Formspring like more than 2o times and I replied almost 10 of them. I AM NOT SAYING WHERE. If you have the heart, you can find it through google or like my friend, whom went to look for it herself! She didn't even ask me la! She looked for it for 2 hours! There is no fucking address. Need to walk around the area and FIND. And don't ask me about the area. Yes I am selfish I am not saying. BYE!

I didn't know your pretty face could make stars glow and save the world.

2010-04-03T07:30:00.001-07:00

I painted my nails neon blue and dressed in blue.

H2H talks, I love you more than Forever bff ♥

ps : use Formspring on sidebar to ask anything!

Paper hearts

2010-03-27T08:43:00.000-07:00

Its like we all had something to say, but we just didn't dare to.

there you are sitting in the garden, clutching my coffee calling me sugar

2010-03-25T12:52:00.000-07:00

Last night was so good. I forgot my name.
Lets try it again someday.

Alvin :)

Happy birthday Harry!

Overdue.

My dad.

My best friend.

The world is quiet here.

2010-03-21T05:15:00.000-07:00

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

not I don't want to blog!!!!!!!!!! My dslr = GG. Need to send to Nikon HQ to fix it but I am broke and my sleeping hours is just too ruined!!!

Latest photos of meme in Facebook!!! Actually.. I update Twitter more than anything! So.. just follow me! But I don't accept people Idk.. so ull have to let me know who you are! Haha!

I don't smoke. But I drink and sheesha. Cannot wait for this Wednesday!!!!!!!

RPSL

2010-03-13T11:02:00.000-08:00

I am nowhere near perfect, I fall, I'm vulnerable to believing lies, I'm hoping one day I won't need a fake smile, I live by quotes that I explain what I'm going through, I make up excuses for everything, I have best friends and enemies, I have drama and memories, and that's life, live it love it..learn from it. Laugh when you can, apologize when your should, let go of what you can't change. Play hard, forgive quickly, take chances, give everything, and have no regrets. Life is too short to be anything but happy.

Big girls don't cry.

2010-03-09T12:22:00.000-08:00

When you lose someone, don't cry, don't you ever cry. Because life goes on, just look back and smile, smile that you had that moment once.

Have I ever seen your face before?

2010-03-08T05:36:00.000-08:00

I only clubbed once last week!!!!!!! Mum still complains.. a lot.

this is so boring. I hate the circles. I hate the same old thing. I hate them. Yes I secretly hate them.

--

Ju is back!!! But he is gonna leave againnnnnnnnnn

I had the whole pot and table for myself!!!!!!! :D

Nothing wins Beer and girls.

Those days

2010-03-05T12:43:00.000-08:00

I miss you sfm.

its takes just a while

2010-03-05T05:26:00.001-08:00

I would kill just to make you love me.

We are looking for fun, not love.

2010-03-03T12:17:00.001-08:00

Helloheelowwwwww

My appetite is so good lately!!! Idk why.................. all I know is that I lost 3 kg not long ago.. and I just checked it ytd, I gained 1kg! Omona.. and the state of me eating like this............ GG

Monday, Pastamania; Pasta, Calamari Rings, Potato salad, Dinner, Mcd's Big Breakfast Deluxe
Tuesday, Korean BBQ; Kimchi soup, Kimchi pancake, BBQ pork! Fries and then supper........
Wednesday, Light dinner, half an hour later : hardcore crab zichar! Prawns + Crab....... back home and had bbq wings.. and now....?? I am hungry again :x

and GG, tml Tian tian huo guo! HAHA FAT FAT ME!

iwantsomeonewhocaressincerely 11:11

Let's all think happy things.

2010-03-01T11:46:00.000-08:00

Hihi! Its march. I am bored.

I just needed to rant........... about nothing. HAHA.
I see a lot photo albums on FB saying Feb was a month full of ♥
Mine was just like Jan. A month filled with the wrong ones tsk.

Is March gonna be better? I hope?

---

shopping weeowee !

and we walked in perfect silence.

2010-02-26T09:03:00.000-08:00

My life is so boring, why do you still read it? I am so sick of everything. I am so sick of love and boys.

why is it so hard to find someone true and stay together forever.

Butterflies, meet stomach

2010-02-21T05:47:00.000-08:00

HI ALLLLLLLLLLLLL. Its gonna be a wordy entry, without photos!!

~~My comp crashed, AGAIN. Its time to get a new one but my dad says no and he simply don't understand the importance of having one. He is one stubborn dad.~~ I'VE GOT A NEW GODLY FRIEND. HE IS AWESOME LIKE ANYTHING. HE IS KEITH. MY COMP IS FIXED.
I AM SO SMART. I forgot my phone's lock code and I didn't know PUK code means must call and ask for it!!! Damn dumb. So I am using a temporary number now. Hopefully my number reactivates tml!!!
The past 2 days when I was at home = tv/msgmsgmsg. I AM SO SICK OF IT.
I went to Powerhouse on Friday and Saturday, its so homey, I LOVE PH!!!! Keep seeing people I know!!! Hehe the right company with the right alcohol and the right dj :> :> :> I was so high laaaaaaaaaa, thanks to Kat, Keith and Shannon for taking care and looking out for me!!!!!!!! I was reading my sent items when I got home and hahaha fucking funny la, I sent song lyrics of the songs which were playing to Eugene, funny thing, HE SENT BACK TOO. Haha we are jokers.
Saw Yvonne and Cass!!!!!!!!!!! Was taking a photo together, then I fell right on my butt, now it hurts so bad and I bet the photo turned out ugly. Hehehe nvm I was really happy to see Yvonne : D
Dion is so busyyyyyyyyyy now. I miss her!

I NEED A LIFE BACK.

I wished you lived down the street

2010-02-18T06:12:00.000-08:00

Gong xi fa cai! Damn power this year's CNY. I didn't go Bai Nian on Chu Yi !!!!!!!!!
First time in my life............ I still got all the angbaos I deserved so its okay :>

oh and I got rejected by SIM last Monday. Very sad :( :( :(
I don't think I am gonna go back to school already :(
although I desperately want a life back, a new environment, new people, new friends, school and shit.

Maybe I should work? I rejected quite a few because of the pathetic $5/h pay.
I am picky and lazy........... but I recently lost 4kg!!!!!!!!!!! Must be the vomiting. I don't dig my throat, I don't vomit for the sake of slimming down okay! I merely coughed, and everything came out, tsk tsk.

---

these are from last night. Ytd was ladies luck for Dion and I. Friendly strangers :> (L)
Star Bucks closed when we wanted to get something so the male staff told us to take our pick, his treat! 5 minutes later, he came out holding paper bag(s) of food!!!!! Muffins, cookies, salad/bread bento set!!! And also drinks!!! So damn nice laaaaaaaaaaaa :>

新年快乐和情人节♥

2010-02-13T05:31:00.000-08:00

Reunion dinner :) Food was good. Soup was the sex. 10 dishes, 2 plates each. We didn't even finish half of it!!!

Damn funny, 'Who wants abalone?'... 'No!' 'Not me!' 'None!' 'Who wants to eat rubber -.-' HAHAHAHAHA

PS : Hey you, you asked me the same question this time last year, and last last year too. You know what? I know you like asking for the sake of asking, but I am sick of answering. CNY only means extra moolah and good food to me, nothing else.

see peektures, now you get why I was so damn full?

check out this realllllllllll good pineapple tart!!! Its like round... pineapple hidden inside instead of the normal type? *I took a bite of this*

Who are you if you lose your favorite person?

2010-02-09T04:50:00.000-08:00

Who is the right one?
Who is the wrong one?
Is this love. Is this lust. Is this wrong?
I need no games, I want something real, someone true, that's all.

You know I am still here.

2010-02-07T04:00:00.000-08:00

I am so bored. I am gonna go SIM HQ tml. I hope they accept me. I want to watch Toothfairy. I want a Toothfairy. I want to eat maggie mee. I feel lonely today. I always emo on Sundays. I spammed quotes on my Tumblr. I feel tired. I need power nap. Twitter is so quiet. Is everyone out? I am so whiney now. Last night at Powerhouse was so homey. Its been 1.5months since I've been there. Seeing familiar faces made my night and Quanyang was so damn CMI. I feel so sick of myself. Hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

My witness is the empty sky.

2010-02-02T04:23:00.000-08:00

Long long time agooooo :) :)

oh so Boon loves Quolomo too? I heart Quolomo!!!
check out his kinky shirt.

don't let me go.

2010-01-31T08:47:00.000-08:00

why does it feel so wrong
so empty and everything not
feels like its karma

where does the good go?

2010-01-28T03:23:00.000-08:00

Jeline's bday surprise!!

Happy birthday babe :) so many January babies lately haha.

Rebel at night. I feel like shit the next day after clubbing, body is falling.
........and there are lotsa DURIAN at home, when my throat is hurting, o.O

sometimes staying in watching shows feels so good at the right time..
or reading the right book without thinking bout stuff.

If I loved you less, I could talk about it more.

2010-01-23T23:04:00.000-08:00

Tuesday
SO SORRY WEILIN~~~~~~~ We cabbed to Ikea Queenstown for the fabulous meal then cabbed back to my place because I was reallllll tired :( :( :( I still feel very very guilty :(

Ill make it up to you, I promise!!!!!! :> :>

--

went to Serene in the evening to slack awhile.

All for 2 person heheheheheeeee

Friday
Wyelin bb!!!! You are so cock and I love you so. HEHE
Had a hard time searching for the place because we came the other day by a cab.
But its all worth it because its good and cheap food~ yums yums.
I need to stop cabbing arghhhhhh.

Rebelled for the night.

Saturday
Sunset Grill's Level 30 wings. THE PLACE IS DAMN ULU.
And the wings........ Lvl 35 was OOS and I am happy it was OOS. Cos the first small mouth of the wing........ led my mouth burning on fire and we almost called 911. HAHA.

Loll Boon saw hands from the heaven, reaching out to him. We all heard ringing in our ears...... and while waiting for the call in cab, Alvin was like kneeling on the road...

Driver : Eh boy what were you doing on the road just now?
Alvin : errrr I saw God. He was asking for me and I was begging him.
LOOOOOOOOOL

The boys said the pain in the ass and stomach all felt like menstrual cramp, Boon even asked me what girls normally do to stop the cramp. HAHA

At night was to Rebel for Szetoh's birthday celebration.

PS : I HATE those people who takes photos for me using my dslr, act clever adjust this adjust that, zoom in when there isn't a need and the photo turns out to be SUPER OVERLY EXPOSED or jitao chui or I have to reset my settings. Fucking angry. Majority of them = strangers. Eg, waiters in Rebel _|_

Friday

My ruined stockings at the end of the night.

Saturday

"This is how they do it in the video!"

Hand reaching from Heaven.

Sorry for being your wrong girl.

2010-01-18T15:19:00.000-08:00

hehehehehhehehehe eat non stop!! OKAY I OFFICIALLY FOUND MY EATING BUDDY!!!!

Day out with Sarah 언니~~~~ ㅋㅋㅋㅋ I feel so Korean-ish with Sarah!!! She speaks Korean to me... like the minute we met!!! Yeah I do understand but it feels weird!!! Like how certain words, I do read it in Korean instead of English.. but I don't say it out!!! She says it out loud! ㅋㅋ

Went to eat Popeyes!!! Watched New York I love you, stupid show.
Cabbed to this secretplaceeee for cheap and good Korean food!! Ohwell.. if you follow me on Twitter, you'd know where it is!!! Its like damn cheap omgxzxzx almost the price in Korea!!! We ordered Kimchi soup, Kimchi pancake, and 2 serving of bbq meat~~~ only paid $13 each !!! And the boss is very friendly, very cool!!! Speaks Korean~~~ there were many Koreans~~

한국 음식 짱 !! ♥

oh yeah Sarah 언니 is gonna go Korea for Uni exchange in Feb~~~~ I WANNA GOOOOO. I need 2k. Omg I want to go!!!!!!! Guest room is only 15,000won per night~ (SGD$16?)... and if I stay for a month, its SGD$500 !!! More worth it right~~~~ OMG RUTIAN BB, reading this?? 가자!!!

gogo fighting! omg where is the money :(

ohwell.... so the Korean food is really gooooood... And I am SOOO bringing more bb(s) there to eat~~~~ ㅋㅋ

I spent like more than 30bucks cabbing~~~ 어머나!!

ps : this entry feel so cutesy right~~ ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Taxi uncle is too funny~~~ "I can help you to take photos!!"

it seems that we dress up to be undressed.

2010-01-16T19:30:00.000-08:00

@Dion @Jeline, Powerhouse next week okay?
sounds impossible to me though.

Rebel yet again.

Me : Damn! Weekends ended already!
Jasper : Your weekends got 7 days lehhhh

lulzzz

ytd was tragic. I vomited my lunch at home... I knew I was gonna be a merlion and vomit like fuck after drinking. Yeah I did. Thanks Jasper and John!!! I feel ohsocomfortableeeeeee with Jasper now!! Just because he saw my naked face the night before at AMK Mcd and then he saw me vomiting the very next day.... damn.

Used to leave clubs only when the music stopped... now we leave at like 3am? Maybe we are old already, body expired, no more stamina, CMI much.

Monday is gonna be good, w Sarah for Popeyes!!! And Tuesday for Ikea's meatballs&wings with Weilin!!!! I MISS THEM BIG TIME SRSLY. Its been more than 6 months since I last met them.... we need to catch up and gossip and spazzzzzz... I need a hug so much. A hug which contains love and concern from people who really do care.

Where the grass is watercolor and the stars are quite touchable.

2010-01-14T03:27:00.000-08:00

I still feel dead.

Physically and mentally fucked. Mind fucked.
SHAGGED. Even after sleeping for 12 hours. Feels shitty and everything not.

Thaiclub then to Rebel's Ladies night... it was okay.. soso. I still miss Dj Kzeeeee.
Left earlier cos was damn cmi alreadyyyyyy

--

act shy when I first took out my camera, just wait, wait till they get high.. all of them keeps... 'Eh here!', 'Help me take!', 'Now me and him!'.... -.-

Jonny and Lam's expressions in the group photos DAMN CLASSIC.

boys boys boys boys boys boys boys boys boys boys boys

You are my back pocket, I want you to promise to sew yourself shut for as long as the world's in our claim.

2010-01-10T11:31:00.000-08:00

I MISS POWERHOUSE BIG TIME. I miss clubbing with Felicia! I miss DJ Kzeee..... I miss Supaflyyyyy!!!! I miss the podium and everything there :( :( :( Powerhouse is like my home :( okayyy not really. More like my home for clubs.

Been going to Rebel aloooooootttt because thats the home of the ACS boys we've been hanging with. I miss PH big time !

Ytd was......... good. Jordon's bday!!!! Happy 19th!!!! :> :> So many birthdays... this coming Saturday, its Szetoe's bday celebration at Rebel. Lulz.

My sleeping hours is very screwed.

ps : there are those who cares, there are who fuck care, and I know who I should trust.

I know I camwhore alot~~~~

New wall~~

dress every day like you're going to get murdered in those clothes.

2010-01-08T09:56:00.000-08:00

2 person's zhi cha! Couldn't finish it but it was filling enough. Last night was random. I came across LOTS of zhi cha photos at 2am, was craving for it badly... I even went down my place to check if the store is still open!

So I met Alvin just now to eat zhi cha! Screw my sleeping hours. I slept from 5am till 730pm.

14 HOURS?????????? Lulz.

I am gonna rebel tml, I am going Rebel.