It's been a while

i don't know what to write
or perhaps I lost the touch of my emotions
but that's not right
because i am typing words out right now
i feel emotions
it's like I taste these emotions on the tip of my tongue but i can't exactly feel it
maybe i lost the touch of feelings
l o s t
am i?
am i lost?

i allow myself to be what i want to be
this state i am at right now
and hi
i am here
it's been long
i wished you didn't exist in my life
you as in not anyone
you as in this tiny person i built inside me over the years
she comes out twice or thrice a year
and i hate her
she reads poetry and even tries to write them
she tries
she cries
i hate her
i am sorry for hating you tiny me
it's still me
i just don't like it
stop getting into my head my heart my eyes my tears
i don't need you in my life
not ever