F

I am very demanding, very sensitive, very angst, very petty

But I do feel for you. And as much as I say this on a frequent basis on this space. Every each time, I mean it. Even him, someone I am sort of dating now, tells me that if it wasn't the 'me' he been with for 2 months now, he would still see me as the girl that is wild, carefree, gives no two fucks about boys or feelings

Well, I am.
I don't care about most things. Or rather, I choose not to care.
Most of the time, life works better when you choose not to care.

But I do care. I care for those that I think are worth caring for. Like F. This thing we have is irony. There is no future. But yet a little girl in me holds on to that hope. Each time I want to give up on him, let go of him, I struggle. And I can't help it. There are so many points of him that refuses to let that logical bitch in me do the thinking

I don't know if I love him. Maybe I do. Maybe I don't. We exchanged such sweet nothings. But I don't think he meant it. And the worst part is, I don't think I meant it. So what is this? Is this love? Or is this yet again my desperate attempt looking for my Ocean.

something deeper

Many people say they're empty
But I'm too full. Full of memories, fears, hope, love and anger
I have too much inside myself
I have a heart that's getting too heavy to carry around
I feel so much I can't have peace

Call me a loser

When it comes to feelings, I am this timid, I dare not feel, when I know I am feeling too much, I withdraw, I do the wrong things on purpose to make the other dislike me, to make the other withdraw, I am scared, right now, I am very scared. I love you. I do. I am so afraid. Because it's been almost a year since I last cried this bad for someone, the kind of trembling when you're crying, when you touch your chest and you can feel your heart breaking into pieces, and it continues breaking into smaller pieces, when you cry till you can't stop, when you can feel tears flowing down to your ears, when you think about how much you love him and it already hurts this bad now, you don't know what would happen if more feelings are involved, it hurts so bad but I really wish that when one day when you're ready for me, you'd come back chasing, cause I can assure you this. I'll be here. I will always be here.

Those who write... feel too much

In this new year

I want someone to be there for me when I need him and catch me when I fall and never leave me for another and forgive me for my wrongdoings and know me understand me feel me embrace me and hold me and tell me the rightest things when I need to hear them most and always be the one that says it's okay not to be okay and things will be okay and look at me in the eye and tell me I am beautiful inside out and no matter what, love me love me for who I am and never forsake me and I will love you for the very most

“Even when I detach, I care. You can be separate from a thing and still care about it. If I wanted to detach completely, I would move my body away. I would stop the conversation midsentence. I would leave the bed. Instead, I hover over it for a second. I glance off in another direction. But I always glance back at you.”

‘Breakfast At Tiffany’s’

"But you can’t give your heart to a wild thing: the more you do, the stronger they get. Until they’re strong enough to run into the woods. Or fly into a tree. Then the sky. That’s how you’ll end up, if you let yourself love a wild thing."

Asking too much

"I want you to tell me about every person you’ve ever been in love with. Tell me why you loved them, then tell me why they loved you. Tell me about a day in your life you didn’t think you’d live through. Tell me what the word “home” means to you and tell me in a way that I’ll know your mothers name just by the way you describe your bed room when you were 8. See, I wanna know the first time you felt the weight of hate and if that day still trembles beneath your bones. Do you prefer to play in puddles of rain or bounce in the bellies of snow? And if you were to build a snowman, would you rip two branches from a tree to build your snowman arms? Or would you leave the snowman armless for the sake of being harmless to the tree? And if you would, would you notice how that tree weeps for you because your snowman has no arms to hug you every time you kiss him on the cheek? Do you kiss your friends on the cheek? Do you sleep beside them when they’re sad, even if it makes your lover mad? Do you think that anger is a sincere emotion or just the timid motion of a fragile heart trying to beat away its pain? See, I wanna know what you think of your first name. And if you often lie awake at night and imagine your mothers joy when she spoke it for the very first time. I want you to tell me all the ways you’ve been unkind. Tell me all the ways you’ve been cruel."