Rough

Rough month
A rough 21st

Birthday month should be the happiest and it's my 21st, I thought it'd be a great one. It wasn't that bad. I spent 8 days in Bangkok, but I missed my flight on the the 7th day and I was hospitalized on my return and spent 5 days in the hospital. So that part was bad. It was a once in a lifetime experience thing though.

Right now, I am rather glad.
I met someone new and all we do is talk. I mean, we could really talk for hours and not feel out of topics, we could really connect in ways like I've been finding a person to bond like this in years. Right now, everything seems right and I do hope it stays this way. And it sort of let my heart down on someone else that I've been wanting to let go off for the longest time. Last year this time, I was really happy, I thought I met The One, but well, if you read, you know. Life goes on. So for now, I am just really hopeful about this ongoing friendship. I don't wanna jinx it but I really do want to write it down. I often look back at this page and read through my thoughts and think to myself, and I want to look back at this some time later, and remind myself that, I am at least happy now.

I am happy and I want to stay happy.

:)

I want to bend in a thousand directions
Like the sun does,
Like love does,
Like time stopped so the hands of the clock could hold each other.
And we held each other
Like I held these words for too many years on the tip of my tongue.

27

Gotta love me for me and
I am gonna love you for you

xoxo

You didn't

Not looking for much
Not seeking any
Not wanting else more

Just want a little this and that

My fingertips miss him so much

Someone please save me from my commitment issues

I went for a crystal fortune telling today and it was really random
The person told me that hardly anyone picks pink crystals
It's from a sack of hidden crystals she told me to choose just by touching

And I picked 6 out of 10.

Pink means love.

I must be thinking about love a lot.

I don’t want that much.

I don’t want that much. I’m not looking for someone to be committed forever, I’m not looking for that mind blowing, life changing kind of passionate madness of being so, so in love. That’s unreasonable to ask for, and it’s ridiculous to wait for. No, I want someone I like to be around though. I’d really like someone who will wake up next to me and drink coffee with me on the porch in the morning. I think that’s it. If we can kiss and drink coffee and just like each other with good conversations and no one feeling awkward and no one thinking longingly about going home…if I could be with someone, and if both of us really felt like we wanted to stay right where we were at least for a few minutes, I think that would be the best thing. Beautiful weather and coffee just help.

I am so sorry

I am sorry that I have blurred us, but I am most sorry that my fingers have had to fight off the urge to call you lover in this poem,

Sorry that I do not write poetry anymore unless it is with your ghost.
To my old friend whom I shall never address as anything else,

I am sorry that I fell in love with a version of you that I invented.
I am sorry that I will never again know you, me, or us.
I do not know, my friend, if I am sorry about what I let waste away.

As easy as that

The day before I left, I remembered a story her mother told me. She said: ‘Andrea, when Heather was a little girl, she couldn’t fall asleep without tying a string around her finger that stretched to mine in the other room. All night long she’d give that string the tiniest tug, to make sure I was still there, and I’d tug back. That was love. That was love. As easy as that.’

Sometimes.

Sometimes.

My Honest Poem

I have an odd fascination with things like sand castles and ice sculptures. I assume it’s because I usually find myself dedicating time to things that will only last a few moments.

I guess that’s why I fall in love with things that will never love me back.